Point of this post: I am my own worst enemy.
Similar to the past three years I have had the same new years goals when it comes to social media. I wanted to become a social media blogger. I had never really had a plan after that statement. I just wanted to cultivate beautiful photography while getting paid. I watched other juggernaut bloggers post unboxing after unboxing, ad sponsorships every couple of days, dream vacations 4x’s a year, these perfect lives with unending money while buying and buying and buying. I HAD to keep up. I mean they have a social media TEAM! People writing, answering emails, and posting for them. Heck, if a photographer is necessary for success I was going to employ one.
In 2018 I employed three; none produced the kind of photos I was looking for, some didn’t even complete the contract, one lied about their abilities which left me doing a majority of the work and wasting valuable energy tracking people down.
I bought and bought and bought. I was swimming in clothing that didn’t fit the climate I lived in, let alone my body or fashion style. So many things with tags just sat in my home taking up valuable space, a luxury you can’t waste living in a european home. But alas, If a bamboo clutch was what I needed I was going to carry that wooden bag to every beach vacation, even if I thought it was UGLY, USELESS, and POOR QUALITY.
Frustrated I made excuses.
… without a photographer my instagram is useless.
… I’m too fat.
… I work too much to commit.
… I am writing about things I really don’t care about for views.
… I can’t produce content in this messy, overstuffed, office.
… my skin, hair, nails, etc. isn’t perfect.
… my credit cards hate me.
… my life is boring.
… I can’t figure out what editing app/tool people are using.
… my background/scenery isn’t WOW!
… I don’t have this chloe bag or those Mother jeans.
If Brittany the Blogger and Iris the Instagramer were adopting the raw soup stand on your head diet, I was too.
I. WAS. MISERABLE.
The more miserable I felt the less I wanted to post. The less I wanted to share. The joy disappeared.
So I didn’t.
I even surrounded myself with someone who put me down to my face and behind my back, used me financially, and I let her. I hated myself for allowing that to happen.
But you know what?
The internet is big enough for all of us. I just needed to find my place to shine. Right?
I needed to be BRAVE. Easy right?
NOPE. I was TOO SCARED.
So this year was another round of new years goals. Wanting to hit 1,000 subscribers in 12 months. Having 10,000 subscribers so I could adopt the Instagram swipe feature (which would make my life SO much easier). I was the fitness quitter of social media and I was setting myself up to quit again.
Side note: I believe in divine intervention. God just shows you what you need at just the right time. Last night I was half listening to instastories and the typical “I am not getting likes/views on my posts” videos started to play from BIG named Instagram accounts. One in particular stood out because she was asking for a solution. misschrisycharms polled her audience and asked what they wanted to see in 2019, then she was EVEN COOLER to share the responses with the rest of us. (I could kiss your face in thanks misschrisycharms)
What did people want?
Messy homes, messy houses, everyday life.
They were over the over edited washed out photos with the unattainable fashion hauls to Chanel or Gucci, Ad driven sponsorship where opinions were paid for, and lifestyles full of nothing but travel (hello! I have a J-O-B)
THIS. IS. ME!
My blog is the “Dad-bod” of the internet and this is my time to SHINE! THIS is what everyone wants, getting back to our roots.
I don’t live a perfect life, but we are comfortable. I can’t travel everyday in a porsche driving the German country side. The driving and small parking space situation is awful here, I drive an old Honda – #sorrynotsorry, they can hit that. I rock a 4 year old Burberry bag with $10 Amazon sunglasses. I’m not even going to have a branding team, ever, while living here.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not dimming the light of someone else to justify my shortcomings, I follow big accounts and blogs all day long, but that insta life isn’t me. Not yet.
There is a quote from Rachel Hollis’ new book “Girl, Stop Apologizing”:
“FRIEND, IF YOU CAN’T GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF NOT DOING IT AS WELL AS THEY DO, YOU’LL NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE A TRAILBLAZER FOR SOMEONE ELSE.”
First step: Telling you the truth about my social media self esteem, why I quit blogging after three months. Ghost you and reappear around January 1 of every year.
So let’s try this again, and hopefully for the last time.
Welcome to my blog…
2019’s fierce word is: TRAILBLAZER.
Now lets see if I can be brave enough to be one.